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I’m Not Acting

This is a monologue I wrote on March 14, 2013.

I’m Not Acting

You think I’m acting? I’m right here, now, having a real fucking moment. All right? This is me. This is me shining through. I’m not performing. What? No, I’m not hiding. I’m not playing some character. Jesus. There is no character! There’s only me.  There’s only you.  Right now, totally exposed. Raw. Uncut. Untouched.  Un.. plugged.  That’s the reality. That’s what you’re seeing right now.

Ok, I’m sorry.  I’m not angry. I’m not.  I know we just met.  You hit a nerve, that’s all. I just need to be understood, ok?  You need to be understood, right? And this is me. This is here. This is now.  Ya know?  I’m not nuts.  I just need to be unchained, unleashed from these fucking words, that’s all.  These words are choking me like a leather noose.  What? Yes, they’re MY words.  But it’s not about the words!  It’s about me being me, and you seeing me.  Huh? No, I’m trying to have a dialogue here with you. I don’t wanna spew some sloppy monologue! I want to know you.  Now don’t, ya know, get put off cuz you think I’m angry or bitter.  This is passion! There’s a difference.

It’s not intensity either. Intensity is just constantly doing shit ‘cuz you can never be still.  It’s not anger, it’s not intensity. It’s passion. It’s pretty simple, actually.

All right, so, can we, ya know… Can we go on a date now, ok?  Just, I don’t know. Let’s just start with a dinner.  And we talk, right?  Ok, thanks.